Friday, 11 February 2011

Who am I?

Lots of people have asked this question in a myriad of ways, and I haven't found a perfect answer yet.

First though, Glyn Hedeg isn't my real name. It's a pseudonym for the legal me, Richard Jones. Do a Google search for my real name and you'll be inundated with thousands of possibilities.
Glyn Hedeg, on the other hand, almost fills the first page with the stories I've had published so far.

So how do I define who I am?

What am I like? Balding, middle aged, glasses. With a fantastic smile and great dark brown eyes. But that's the outside, what about the inside? I don't mean the gloopy bits, of course, but then you already guessed that. Am I even competent to write about myself? Should I get the people I relate to to define me? My wife, children, or friends? What about people who don't like me - do they get a say?
I like to spend time on my own, but also love meeting new people. I can dance up a storm (though my two boys complain about "Dad dancing"), but can't get a party going on my own. I can stand up and give a great lecture, but failed teacher training. I play clarinet in a band, but only in front of friends.

What do I do? I'm a software engineer by trade, though have tried various other jobs, including labouring. Does that define me?

What about what I believe? I'm a firm believer in democracy, even though it doesn't always work the way I want it to. I'm a Christian too, but what I mean by that and what you understand probably doen't match up fully. I care about people, but don't always follow up with actions. Is this enough for you to know who I am?

I've changed, too. I'm different to who I was when I was a teenager. Heavier, for sure, but calmer too; I don't lose my temper any more. I've been through depression, and come out the other side - was it the same me that experienced that?

I guess the only way for you to know who I really am is to be me for a while. Even then, you'll only get the me that's now, not the process that brought me here.
You could live with me, but even then you'll only see part of me, like I'd only see part of you.

So, I guess I can't get a proper answer. What I do know, is that I like being me. There's no one else quite like me, though I overlap with lots of others - particularly with my name.

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